How assuming made me a certified ass

So you remember how I was like "omg guy laughed at me while talking about kaju, I h8 him."?

Yeah... I was totally wrong. Completely and utterly.  I did the "womanly" thing and just never called or texted him or any of that jazz. Maybe not really the womanly thing, but the straight up bitchy thing (which I'm amazingly good at).

So I get a call from him about a week after incident, I let it go to voice mail (In bitch mode). I listen to said voicemail and it sounded unusually happy... Then I start to ponder... waaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute... this guy has NO clue that I'm irritated with him. So I continue to ponder my options: call him and tell him he is an ass, text him and tell him he is an ass, email him and tell him he is an ass...

While I was pondering he eventually messaged me via email chat and I just confronted the situation that I had been "affronted" by. TURNS OUT I'm a bitch. No... Really... I just assumed he was laughing at  kaju, or me in kaju, or insulting my kajurific ohana or ect. Turns out he was just laughing at the image of grass skirted people beating up military folk.

I apologized profusely and confessed my complete bitchiness to him and apologized some more about how I had written him off and that I was sorry (that was actually difficult for me, but it was necessary as how completely and utterly I messed up by assuming).

Then I go out with him that very night and we had a perfectly wonderful time. How dare that bastard treat me so nicely. Tomorrow we are going fruit picking. Or I'm helping him with yard work. I don't really care as long as I'm out in the sun cause this lady has got some NASTY white legs going on right now. I need to darken up before Ethiopia. I need to blend in a little better. I'm gonna hit the river and the tan in a bottle. Might go dancing tonight too. I need to burn off some energy cause I may or may not have slept til 3-4pm today.

Tonight is the night...

So today we have done the following:

1. Made it to lab on time and misidentified the scientific name for a Texas Mountain Laurel. Apparently you can't know the "brand name" of a plant. Must know generics. I have a hard enough time memorizing drug brand and generic names and now I'm expected to know Sophora secundiflora. I KNEW THE NAME OF THE PLANT, GIVE ME POINTS. Well I accidentally identified the next tables plant instead. No credit. Oh well. I consider the TX MTN Laurel a friggin tree, NOT a shrub. So kiss my arse.

2. Registered for my Ethiopian Adventure officially, as in not just with the study abroad office on campus. Its really happening now. HOLLA! The biggest question I get is WTF are you going to Africa for?! I reply with "to study of course" and they say "WHY?!" and I say "why not?" They never have a response. I'm staying in Addis Ababa which is basically a super black version of Austin. Many languages and cultures. Its actually more closely related to Washington DC as far as nationalities and stuff, not only is AA the capitol of Ethiopia, its the Capitol of the African Union. So thats basically DC.

3. Got silly nasty sweaty at the gym. I was on the elliptical for about 18 minutes when I decided to move along to the treadmill. There was a girl who is about the size of my arm bouncing all kinds of everywhere on the elliptical a few machines down. It was way too distracting so I had to move along. I kept watching her and turning a face like "uhhh da fuck are you doing???" As far as I know you aren't supposed to bounce up and down, you are supposed to squeeze your core and stay as stable as you can to achieve maximum balance and minimum fool-look-a-like-in. But I could be wrong... What do I know? I busted out 120 crunches, 5 girly pushups, and a few leg lifts. I was doing the lifts wrong so I quit doing them. I know its not supposed to hurt but something wasn't right and I kept getting a funny feeling in my knee that was bad.

4. now I relax until the bell doth toll for me to leave for work. I feel like lunch and a nap are at hand. I must be prepared for the worst to happen at work tonight. The worst being that I am late to trivia because of some heart surgery or something today. I wish they would just have those on Monday only... That would indeed make me a happier camper.

So there we go. Its not even noon and I've already had a super productive day. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Alys

PS
Trivia tonight we are going in as champions. The only way someone can catch us is to beat us by 25 points or so. That doesn't mean we are going to coast on easy. I want to win FIRST AGAIN to solidify our legacy. We only got three Ron hosted wins in a row and were dethroned last week. Tonight we come with Vengeance.

You got girl problems? I feel bad for you son...

I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. Nah... well... I mean, if you (I) consider yourself (myself) a bitch (which I do) then I guess you (I) could consider yourself (myself) a problem.

These "self destructive" paths (which I will consider questionable decision making skills) I've been on lately have led me down my own personal paths of enlightenment. I am learning what I want out of my future, my present and what I should have done with my past.

Be Aggressive. I should have been more aggressive. To get what you want you have to go out there and GET IT. Well I tried that, granted  only for a month, and I didn't quite get the return on my investment that I had hoped. Magic? Was I searching for magic? That's a part of it. I'm just so aggressive at times that I miss the little things. Whether it be love, a missing puzzle piece (literally, I've torn up apartments before looking for those damn pieces), friendships, feeding the cats at the same time every day, ect.. Today I realized that I have probably damaged a friendship that I didn't realize how wonderful and precious it was. I kind of cast it aside like it wasn't THAT awesome, but it was something I could just leave on my shelf and look at from time to time. Add that to the pile of regret. Oh well... This just leads into my present.

Survival is my top notch priority. Surviving college, surviving my schedule, surviving my balance (or lack thereof sometimes), and keeping everybody happy in the process. I'm very much a pleaser. I like it when others are happy, so for the most part I do what I can to help others. I keep skipping that ONE important person that can make me happiest. MYSELF. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH ALYSSA. Smack myself on the forehead that time. Why don't you stop and smell the roses? Or the peonies, or the damn gerbera daisies for Petes sake?! Take a moment for yourself.

My future is thankfully unwritten. The pen and pad are nearby, but as soon as I finish my Psych degree I'm just gonna turn right around and go back to school. Hopefully I can figure that out by the time my future becomes my present.

Maybe I'll get lucky and some rich oil tycoon will find me tomorrow, propose marriage and I will foolishly accept on the terms that I hope he dies in my near(er) future and I don't have to provide him with children. What lofty dreams I have... becoming a kept woman... If you know me (and if you're reading this you probably do), you know that nobody can keep me. I can barely keep up with myself.

Well, happy hunting single ladies, and guys good luck finding the crazy that suits you. All girls are crazy, I will be the first, second, and third to tell you that one.

Alyssa

PS
All this stuff about working out! I still didn't make it to the gym today, long day with school and work. TOMORROW is definitely the day I will go to the gym. AND hopefully the sun will peek out for a whole hour while I'm at the river. I can only cross my fingers for that one... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SUN COME OUT. IM TOOOOOOOOOOOOOWHITE.


I am also taking requests for subjects to write about. You can message me on FB or write on my wall, or comment here (Sometimes I get writers block and I enjoy discussing things other people have to banter with).

Will the real Slim Alyssa please stand up?

So today was probably the day from hell. The only reason I even performed this act of severe masochism is so that I might partake in my friends Bachelorette party on Friday night. I worked from 7:30am to 8pm with a 30 minute lunch break. I was SO bored at work today, but luckily entertainment came in its own special way.

So today I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner all at the hospital. Breakfast was one taco with bacon, egg, cheese, and potato. Lunch was a cheeseburger. Dinner, well this is where it gets kind of kinky and new for me... Dinner was a Quesadilla. Whats so strange about this normal snack/appetizer of choice at many a restaurant? Was it the chicken? no, that was pretty standard as well... The kicker was that this thing had spinach on it. I was in a bit of a quandry when I was trying to decide what to eat for dinner. On the elevator at work I happened to bump into the head chef and I just asked him "what do I do?" and he told me some things off the top of his head. Something about fresh fish, no thanks, something about a pork chop, no thanks, something about a club sammich, no thanks, and then he dropped the Q bomb. yes please. So I gave it a shot as soon as I knew what it was all about. I regret nothing. It was delish. SO YUUMMMMERRRRRSSSS...

Anywhoserwhatsits.

I obviously didn't get a chance to go to the gym today as I am completely run down on my batteries. I've had some interesting run ins as of late, and I've gotten the chance to get to know some friends better. All in all life is bueno and me gusta.

In other news, my recent adventures have helped me let go of control a little bit. Only a little bit though. Cause damn, you and I both know that I'm terrible at not trying to run things. The day I say "to hell with it all" will be a very cold one indeed.

Alyssa

Can anybody find me?

So my recent adventures you've read about are in dateland. Well honestly at this point I am SURROUNDED with people getting married/engaged/happily ever afters and all that lovey dovey shit. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want any of that. The problem is: I DO want all of that. A long time ago back when I was "happy" I always had someone I could talk to about anything regardless of the subject. I miss that companionship above all other things.

I think the lessons I've learned so far from dating are these:

1. Just about every guy is an asshole, so you need to find the asshole you can tolerate and work with the best.
2. My perception of "self sabotage" is totally wrong, and it just makes men want you more, be blunter.
3. Don't dwell on the past. Especially the "great white buffalo." You haven't met him yet. Most likely...
4. Don't deal with flaky people. It only angers you. You know how not being on time drives you INSANE.
5. D&D is NOT an acceptable use of free time for ANY potential boyfriend. ever. EVER.
6. Don't put up with people who disrespect you and the things/people you care about. EVER. (duh)

And many more I've yet to define. I'm supposed to be driving to Austin now, so I'm gonna finish being side tracked, fill up my car with gas and get my ass on the road. Happy Travels my friends!

PS
Only went to the gym once last week I KNOW ITS TERRIBLE. I have a lot of pent up energy and I ended up with some questionable bruises that I'm not totally sure how I got them from last night...


I know this is gonna sound REALLY super cheesy coming from cynical me, but I really just want someone to love and love me in return. Someone more than my cats, youknowwhatimsayin?!

Deuces,
Alyssa

Don't you hate it when your options of who you can get naked in front of are limited?

So, as far as the title goes who doesn't have body image issues? I've been dealing with it basically since I got to Texas because that's when my initial "omgwtfbbq" started in my head which lead me down the path that I am currently on. Recently with the dating a lot of people have been telling me something along these lines: You're beautiful.  All I can reply to that with is either laugh nervously and say "okay, thanks. Insert return compliment here" or "hah, yeah whatever." One even went so far as to say "No, really." Most girls have trouble with those words as they have spent a good amount of time nit picking themselves about what they hate on their body. I am definitely not an exception to that rule. But I am probably going to continue laughing nervously or "yeah whatever-ing" until someone can make be believe it. I'd really like to believe.

St. Pattys Sassafrass

So this weekend was the glorious American holiday St. Patricks day. Yeah, it IS an American holiday. There are more Irish in America than in Ireland anyways. SO, that is beside the point. I've been looking forward to St. Pattys for a while... like all year, since the last one (cause it sucked so hard). You can imagine my disappointment when on the day of the big event, I just wasn't feeling like it... I had huge plans to get completely sloshed and enjoy it properly with kilts, music, entertainment and friends. Well, I just wasn't feeling it that day. I got off work and I was just ready to crash. I wanted to go home, but I had already agreed to go to the Dog & Duck pub with some friends. I planned on making an appearance, catching a movie with a different friend. My plan changed COMPLETELY. So I get to the D&D pub, wander around, find my friend R and head over to El Mercado. I am totally okay drinking a margarita on an "Irish" holiday. So I ended up making some new friends that day. D&D ended up being waaaaaaaaay too busy for our liking so we went on the bar prowl. We ended up at hooters (my first time ever) and I was completely horrified at the number of disgusting men oogling the waitresses. I was also irritated at the fact that the waitresses were already skinny, but their uniforms forced them into a muffin top type of situation. WHY IS THAT NECESSARY?!?! I spent a lot of time complaining about the clientele. The food wasn't horrible, but I've had WAY better wings at Sean Patricks in SM... While we were there my movie got cancelled because of it getting sold out. Ultimately I was having a good time with the small group I was with so instead of going home I stayed in town. Dropped off my car at my friends house, and then we all headed off to Billy's on Burnet.

At Billy's we got some drinks and were just hanging out. It was a good time overall. I also got to visit with my uncle who lives three blocks away from the bar. Played some game called catch phrase with them (uncles party), kicked ass at it... and then I went back to my pals at the bar. My friend went home early and I ended up hanging out with my new friend for a while. At last call some guys walked in and looked around confused. At this point I was feeling a little fresh and sassy, which means tipsy, and they were looking a bit on the nerdy side. So as they looked around confused I said to them "You missed last call, you played D&D too late tonight." In hindsight I was probably a little mean cause they were only looking for a drink to chillax and hang out with their friends, which is exactly what I was there doing. IM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON. oh well, I'm sure karma will bite me in the ass like it usually does.

 After Billys we ended up at LaLa's (which I used to live behind). Another first time place for me.  It was really interesting. I didn't really look around too much, but it was quite the sight to see from what I could see. Its a dive bar, the second in my life that I've ever been to but it was more entertaining than the first.

Long story short I ended up having a great day and had an interesting twist of fate.

I didn't work out at all over spring break, and I felt like I did nothing but eat this weekend. One of my beers tasted like a bread sandwich. School is back in session, and I'm back on the bandwagon after I finish these chips and dip...

Aly.

Horrible realization...

Well this time last year I was adamantly obsessed with drinking slim fast and sticking to the program... I know that because on Facebook I changed my photo to one that was July of last year. First comment: You look really great. Something like that... Well, if you compare that photo to one I took maybe a week ago you would say "DAMN ALYSSA WTF HAPPENED?" And I would reply..."American food... and no self control." Well its true. All counts. So yeah, here I am again working on a chocolate shake diet, working out, and cursing my own name for giving up on myself last year. STICK TO THE PROGRAM. I know it sucks, just DO IT. Nike that shit. Changing habits is the hardest thing to do. As I struggle to coerce myself into eating that salad instead of that big fat juicy cheeseburger with all the fixins, I just need to remind myself... YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT FATTY. I also need to build a program for myself that works a lot better with my current schedule. As its spring break, the rec is closed and I have zero motivation to go out running with this crap weather surrounding us. Tough Mudder is in October, and I have a reasonable goal of losing a considerable amount of weight by then. I might just go to crazy town in July when I get back. AKA Crossfit. That will really pump me up by october... Watch out G, I'm comin...

 I told myself I was going to have an adventure this spring break because I haven't done it since High School... Well, I got a new job and its a little early to ask for a whole week off... Considering there are only two employees that can really cover it. That and I am having a whole June off in the next coming months. Yesterday the weather was BEAUTIFUL. Perfect temperature, a great breeze, and I was floating on cloud 9 all day. Work was pie, and things were just trucking along. I love that its still daylight when its 7pm now. I am going to have a happy dance about the weather soon, cause this winter bullshit was weighing me WAY down. Time to come out of your hibernation holes folks. Its time to get physical!

Cheers!
Alyssa

Not really sure that women belong in the kitchen...

So last night I had a date. I was making my "famed" spaghetti (my friends love it!) and he offered to help, so I asked him to do the one thing I hated most. Chopping the onions and garlic. WHOA. I had chopped the edges off the onion, and then he instantly starts to school me. Did I mention he used to be a chef before he changed careers? Yeah. So after he educated me on why I was wrong (I even took the constructive criticism quite well) I went back to working on the sauce and cooking the meat. I turn around, and there are two perfect little piles of onion and garlic. They were PERFECT. How the fuck does that happen!? My onions look all kinds of jenky and wonky and they were in the best little pile. I wanted to drop my spatula and walk out of the kitchen with my head held low. BUT LO! I manned up and kept on. Nothing like a little internal perseverance to tackle that nervousness to make someone feel better. But once the sauce was near completion I started to get really nervous. What was he going to think? Someone who actually knows about how flavors work, and what goes with what, and how food chemistry works was about to eat MY spaghetti... Something I've gotten millions of compliments on in the past was about to be eaten by someone who actually knows how to make proper spaghetti... WHAT ANXIETY! I just rubbed some garlic on it to help with that. As I nervously sat down at the table with him, I said "dig in!" and he took the first bite, as I just stared at him like a crazy person, anxiously awaiting the thumbs up or the thumbs down... I know he knew how paranoid I was because I straight up told him. He said he liked my spaghetti, so I guess that's a personal victory? FOOD WIN. The real question is, is the way to a man's heart still through his stomach? Stay tuned.


Anyways, I'll update you now on the things I know you're really here to read about! MY WORKING OUT! yaaaay!!!

So last week I was REALLY good at going to the gym on Monday and Wednesday. But on Friday when I went, the gym was CLOSED. It was all kinds of rainy and gross so like hell I was going to freeze my butt off in the rain. No thanks. So I ended up giving a friend a ride to the grocery store, and I ended up with a bag of my favorite candy: Quaxi. (aka gummy frogs). Most counterproductive attempt at going to the gym EVER. Now its closed all of spring break, so I'm basically stuck at home only playing just dance by myself cause I hate going on the track at the hospital by myself. That place is creepy as hell at night and that's when I work out.

I saw a couple of great movies this week too. All old. I'm only looking forward to 21 Jump Street this friday, so I'm probably gonna see it alone due to my inconvenient schedule. Whatever, I'm a grown independent woman. I can do whatever I want! Anybody wanna come with? Lol... anywhooooooo

I'm done updating you on my personal life for now. I'll be back when the adventure continues!

Here we go again.

So here we are again. A long hiatus between blogs... My deepest apologies! So with the beginning of the semester and the grueling work/study schedule I have, I've been going cray-cray. Well to add some extra crazy into my daily regime I took the plunge into online dating. I know, you're probably thinking "what self respecting person would do that?!" to answer your question... this one. In my defense, I went to one of those reputable sites called Match.com.

Its been a great (and terrifying) experience. What with all the non-threatening rejection, and some interesting creepers coming after me, I decided to obsessively go to the gym 3-4 times a week. MWF and sundays. Actually, I decided to start training for the tough mudder in October. I'm dead serious about this one. Not only to prove to myself that I can do it, but to throw it in other peoples faces of course. I'm a badass, and I kind of want everybody to know it.

So this morning I went to my Bio lab, and then I went to the gym. I busted some serious calories on the elliptical machine, then I went over to the arm machine and did some of that to help build up my shoulder. I went on the Abductor/Adductor machine. I find it interesting that its so much easier to open your legs on that machine than to close your legs... HMMMM coincidence? I bet that machine was built by a man... Then I did about 120 crunches (actually exactly 120), a couple of planks, and then I got bored so I went to the post office to check my PO Box. So yeah, its only 11AM and I've already had a really productive day :) what have YOU done?