I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. Nah... well... I mean, if you (I) consider yourself (myself) a bitch (which I do) then I guess you (I) could consider yourself (myself) a problem.
These "self destructive" paths (which I will consider questionable decision making skills) I've been on lately have led me down my own personal paths of enlightenment. I am learning what I want out of my future, my present and what I should have done with my past.
Be Aggressive. I should have been more aggressive. To get what you want you have to go out there and GET IT. Well I tried that, granted only for a month, and I didn't quite get the return on my investment that I had hoped. Magic? Was I searching for magic? That's a part of it. I'm just so aggressive at times that I miss the little things. Whether it be love, a missing puzzle piece (literally, I've torn up apartments before looking for those damn pieces), friendships, feeding the cats at the same time every day, ect.. Today I realized that I have probably damaged a friendship that I didn't realize how wonderful and precious it was. I kind of cast it aside like it wasn't THAT awesome, but it was something I could just leave on my shelf and look at from time to time. Add that to the pile of regret. Oh well... This just leads into my present.
Survival is my top notch priority. Surviving college, surviving my schedule, surviving my balance (or lack thereof sometimes), and keeping everybody happy in the process. I'm very much a pleaser. I like it when others are happy, so for the most part I do what I can to help others. I keep skipping that ONE important person that can make me happiest. MYSELF. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH ALYSSA. Smack myself on the forehead that time. Why don't you stop and smell the roses? Or the peonies, or the damn gerbera daisies for Petes sake?! Take a moment for yourself.
My future is thankfully unwritten. The pen and pad are nearby, but as soon as I finish my Psych degree I'm just gonna turn right around and go back to school. Hopefully I can figure that out by the time my future becomes my present.
Maybe I'll get lucky and some rich oil tycoon will find me tomorrow, propose marriage and I will foolishly accept on the terms that I hope he dies in my near(er) future and I don't have to provide him with children. What lofty dreams I have... becoming a kept woman... If you know me (and if you're reading this you probably do), you know that nobody can keep me. I can barely keep up with myself.
Well, happy hunting single ladies, and guys good luck finding the crazy that suits you. All girls are crazy, I will be the first, second, and third to tell you that one.
Alyssa
PS
All this stuff about working out! I still didn't make it to the gym today, long day with school and work. TOMORROW is definitely the day I will go to the gym. AND hopefully the sun will peek out for a whole hour while I'm at the river. I can only cross my fingers for that one... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SUN COME OUT. IM TOOOOOOOOOOOOOWHITE.
I am also taking requests for subjects to write about. You can message me on FB or write on my wall, or comment here (Sometimes I get writers block and I enjoy discussing things other people have to banter with).
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