Okay... Seriously you guys? Really? I am not an aggressive person, but people will assume I am. Lots of people will in fact tell you that I am scary as hell. Have I slapped a bitch before? Yes. Of course. But always in good faith and never to someone who couldn't handle it. Today was certainly a test of my passive aggressive tendencies to just flat out become aggressive and all up in your business. Luckily I survived, and just threw some folks to be speed bumps. I felt better after that so no worries for now. 8 more work days...
SO, now to update a bit on the whole dieting gig. I ran another mile today! I even ran more of it faster! I cut about 10 minutes off my last run. I figure I will keep the same route until I can run the whole thing completely. Uphill both ways. It felt amazing doing it. I kind of petered out at the end, but my music kept me going. Seriously, a great song to run to is Whiz Kalifahs "black and yellow." I know its just some dumb song about driving nice cars and picking up bitchez, but it has slightly more meaning to me because of one of my bestest friends ever. But yeah, its the perfect tempo to run to. I know most people march to the beat of their own drum, but I can't help to step in time to the beat of everybody elses drums! 5 years of colorguard will do that to a person. Hell... one year of marching band will do that to anybody! But yeah, Swinging my flag around to the beat of a drum for 5 years definitely put me down to change tempo with the change of every song. There are points in time where I was walking that I noticed I sped up more. When I walk with people I always end up on the same foot/tempo as they do. Walking with tall people is certainly a feat for me, but it seems that I can manage.
After this mornings debauchery with the cat, I didn't think I was going to have a good day, but after I tossed some bitches under the bus I felt better and it was like things weren't my fault. They never were my fault to begin with but I have this horrible tendency to take on the responsibility of others. I want to help people, but I need to figure out a way to help others without them expecting me to do it all the time. Thats one of those things I need to work on.
So far I have a list of a few things I feel I need to work on this year and here are a few things:
1. First and foremost, my health. That is probably the most important thing because if I don't have my health I really don't have diddly squat.
2. Personal relationships. I feel like I can grow more as a person and grow with my friends and family if I can just get to know them better. Yeah I have my few besties that I know like the back of my hand, but I want to keep and maintain and grow a lot of my other relationships with people.
3. Shyness. You are probably thinking "YOU?!?! SHY?!?!!?" and yeah I am. I won't just walk up to you and start a conversation. I am actually quite horrible at that. I can start a conversation but if you don't give me something decent to work with I just clam up and go back to being quiet.
4. Controlling every little detail of every situation. If you've ever met me you know how I get with some stuff. Handling things a certain way, making sure things are done exactly the way I described them. Following my instructions to a T. Seriously, have you ever gotten street directions from me? I will give you street names, large obvious things to turn at and can even tell you the number of stairs you have to walk up to get to my front door.
5. Being less materialistic. Lately I have been a lot happier with less stuff. I've been getting rid of a lot of memorabilia from past relationships and just holding onto the important stuff. I'm not trying to erase my past, but more so embrace my future. Its hard to embrace my future when I have my past cluttering up my life. Letting go is very hard for me since I am emotionally attached to stuff. But after watching several episodes of Hoarders on TV is enough to make me want to set my storage unit on fire and start from scratch. I've got 90% of all my photos on my computer and backed up on my external drive... not much is stopping me from doing it other than its probably a federal offense and I'll get jailtime and all that jazz. I'll stick with the non crazy resolution and just not do it. Its kind of liberating having so few things, but then again I really want to play my wii...
Those are just a few things... Slowly but surely I will come to terms with it and myself and the two will become copacetic. Hopefully I will have less stuff in the end. Well until I get married, have a house, and clutter that up with pictures of my family all over the walls. Ugh, what an intimidating thought. I want all that stuff, but certainly not any time soon. Who knows what the future has in store for me. All I know is that I have some control over it and its gonna be such a badass time like you can't believe. Go me.
~A
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